An honest contract with an honest signature
In many Pakistani weddings, the most important moment for the bride lasts less than 60 seconds. During the ceremony, whether large or simple, a registrar is sent to the bride, sitting amongst the women of her family, with a pen and an instruction to sign on the dotted line. In most cases, the bride is unaware of the terms of the contract she is binding herself to. By agreeing to her terms for a promised new life, she is unaware of key exit clauses that may have been omitted from the contract in front of her. This exclusion may be by the counterparty, the groom, or even her own family, hoping that the exit rights may never be exercised.
A Nikhanama is a legally binding marriage contract. It is enforceable in a Pakistani court of law, it sets the mehr (a form of consideration from the groom to the bride), records the marriage conditions that both spouses must oblige by, and registers the marriage within the country’s jurisdiction. It is similar to a corporate contract that two companies may enter into. By comparison, then, if we would not enter into business deals without reading and negotiating their contractual terms and conditions, we should not let our women blindly accept the terms of a life that they are signing up to for the rest of their lives.
One of the most significant rights in the Nikahnama is the woman’s/bride’s right in Column 18, which allows the husband to delegate the right to divorce to the wife. This delegation is known as talaq-e-tafweez, which is recognized both Islamically and in section 8 of the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance of 1961. It can be granted either outright or with agreed-upon conditions at the time of signing the Nikahnama. If women retain this right, they can retain their dignity and grace in cases where the husband does not abide by his obligations in the marriage contract. She may have the right to terminate the marriage by way of divorce, following a notice period and a reconciliation process under Section 7 as it applies to husbands. This right is printed in every standard Nikhanama in the country, meaning that nothing about it is new or even radical.
However, what we often witness in society at large is that right (talaq-e-tawfeez) in Column 18 is either excluded at first instance or never made known to the bride. Registrars often skip over or strike out Column 18 without discussing its importance with the bride. Brides who ask about it are told it is inappropriate or that asking for it triggers distrust before the marriage has even begun. In crowded ceremonies, the form is rushed through, and a woman who questions the terms of her own marriage is seen as rebellious. While this argument may be viable for those who may abuse this right, some may fall victim to the social taboo around talaq-e-tafweez. . To prevent abuse of this right, certain conditions may be set instead of completely excluding the column. A family that is built on a contract that one party couldn’t read, where power imbalance and lack of transparency may prevail, cannot be a family that promotes social stability. Both parties should be educated about what Column 18 means to lay the foundation for a stable family.
In the absence of talaq-e-tafweez, if the woman wishes to terminate her marriage for valid reasons, she must do so by way of a khula through the family courts. The process of obtaining a Khula is lengthy and requires hefty legal fees and hours of sitting through grueling hearings that can last months or years to convince the judge that the marriage contract indeed needs to be terminated. Khula is also limited, as if the woman is successful in obtaining it, she may be required to give up some (or all) of her mehr. The tiresome process of Khula is often unattainable for women who lack financial security, legal knowledge, or live hours from the nearest court. Further, aside from procedural hurdles, Khula is difficult because it is initiated by the woman, who must face societal pressure to remain in her marriage rather than break the family or speak up for her rights, even when valid reasons exist.
Fixing the information gap regarding talaq-e-tafweez in the Nikahanama requires a shift at the social level. During the nikah ceremonies, Column 18 should be read aloud with the bride acknowledging whether the right is delegated or not. Striking out the column before the bride has seen it should be treated as misconduct and prosecuted as such. To promote stable families and protect women’s dignity, communities should educate girls and women about their rights under the Nikhanama.
Honest conversations on when to initiate the significant right and when to seek reconciliation should be conducted between the bride and the groom, and their families. This process should not be seen as mistrust or taboo before the nikah is signed, but rather as a sign of ultimate trust, in which two people embark on a journey to build a family and contribute to a larger society with awareness and responsibility. Schools for girls, vocational programs, or female healthcare workers in their communities nationwide may lend support.
Though breaking away from entrenched social practices and societal expectations is not easy, collective effort over a large enough span of time can break these harmful patterns
The next time, before a register is carried into the women’s section, the bride and her family should have already had an honest conversation related to Column 18 with the bride-to-be. This is not a challenge to tradition and cultural beneficence, rather a show of utmost care and responsibility; the backbone of healthy, happy families and consequent societies.
